ESOTERICA

*  Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people have

*  Everyone has a photographic memory. Some just don't have film.

*  Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.

*  To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism; to steal from many is
   research.

*  I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

*  What happens if you get scared half to death...twice?

*  Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.

*  Change is inevitable....except from vending machines.

*  Don't sweat petty things....or pet sweaty things.

*  If you think nobody cares about you, try missing a couple of
   payments.

*  Love may be blind, but marriage is a real eye-opener.

*  Death to all fanatics!

*  Bills travel through the mail at twice the speed of checks.

*  Borrow money from pessimists-they don't expect it back.

*  A conscience is what hurts when all your other parts feel so good.



*  A clear conscience is usually the sign of a bad memory.

*  The problem with the gene pool is that there is no lifeguard.

*  Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!

*  A conclusion is the place where you got tired of thinking.

*  Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

*  Success always occurs in private, and failure in full view.

*  The hardness of the butter is proportional to the softness of the
   bread.

*  The severity of the itch is proportional to the reach.

*  I tried sniffing Coke once, but the ice cubes got stuck in my nose.

*  I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.

*  I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.

*  Who is General Failure and why is he reading my hard disk?

*  When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.

*  24 hours in a day ... 24 beers in a case ... coincidence?

*  Dancing is a perpendicular expression of a horizontal desire.

*  Beauty is in the eye of the beer holder ...

*  Friends help you move, real friends help you move bodies.

*  All those who believe in psychokinesis raise my hand.

*  I almost had a psychic boyfriend once but he left me before we met

*  OK, so what's the speed of dark?

*  Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm