'Til I die

The first time I heard the song, I was puzzled, a bit amazed.
How come this Brian Wilson could make this all by himself? How come one man
could write such a piece of music - not only composing it, but also realising
it?
I couldn’t grasp it all. It was only after a few repeated listens I started
to understand what this was all about. But still, I can’t - and I probably
never will - understand the song completely. Nobody but Brian Wilson can.
Sure, I can understand the message, I can dissect the harmonies, the chordal
structure, but music goes far beyond that.

So what is it that makes me think this song is the most fantastic composition
in popular music history? Is it the chords? Perhaps the way the lyrics fit so
perfectly in with the music? Or maybe the harmonies? I don’t know. As I said
earlier, I still can’t understand the piece completely. But by splitting the
song into several smaller parts, one can hope to gain at least slightly better
understanding of the song.


I don’t know where to start, but I think I’ll comment on the chords first. If
you know how to play the piano, try them out. Listen. But also, look at the
chords, look at your hands when you play them. At least I am amazed of how
they are put together. Sometimes the bass note is the same while the right
hand changes, sometimes it’s the opposite. During the verses the intervals
aren’t large. You basically move from Ab to C. This creates a tension of
some sorts, a feeling of being trapped. It’s as if your hands want to move
out of the chains those small intervals create.

And this is exactly what happens. The chorus, or pre-chorus, call it whatever
you like, introduces an E minor. Being quite a large step, this is the
resolution we’ve been waiting for.

Then back to the confinement of the chords during the verse, and this pattern
is repeated twice. Wilson breaks the usual pop pattern of verse, chorus,
verse, chorus, bridge, chorus. There are three verses (and choruses),
nothing else. This, in a way, also creates musical chains, waiting to be
broken.

Before the ending there is just one detail that might be overlooked, yet I
want to comment on it. During this short period of time, one chord, Wilson
unlocks the chains created by the verses and choruses. In a way prepares you
for the next part of the song (although nothing, and I mean nothing, could
have prepared me for that part the first time I heard it). The first two
harmony parts come in, the chord is different from the ordinary pattern.
During this brief moment, I have this indescribable feeling in me. I feel
like I want to hold my breath. Everything stops. This final fade-out is just
mindblowing. Where did Brian Wilson find those chords? Surely not in this
world. Together with the harmonies, Wilson uses the "wall of sound" technique
learned from Phil Spector to create pure musical heaven.


Then there are the lyrics. Brian Wilson often (perhaps the word is usually)
used a collaborator when writing songs; he was uncertain of his ability to
write good lyrics. During the early days he used Mike Love; later on he
used people like Tony Asher or Van Dyke Parks. But once in a while he wrote
songs with lyrics himself. Often the results were great, if not fantastic,
‘Til I die probably being the best example. These lyrics are not only coming
straight from Wilson’s heart, they’re also "good poetry". The way he uses
three different analogies taken from nature to represent himself is brilliant.

First verse:
  I’m a cork on the ocean
  Floating over the raging sea
  How deep is the ocean?
  How deep is the ocean?

This lyrical image really makes you understand at least a bit of what he’s
feeling; fear, uncertainty, no control.

Then the first "chorus":
  I lost my way,
  hey hey hey

"Hey" is without a doubt one of the most often used "words" in pop/rock
music. It’s used to add extra force to a statement, or just as an
exclamation - or maybe when the writer hasn’t even figured out real lyrics
yet. I don’t know for what reason Wilson chose to use "hey", but I don’t
really care. With the extra harmony voice, it sounds beautiful.

Now the second verse:
  I'm a rock in a landslide
  Rolling over the mountainside
  How deep is the valley?
  How deep is the valley?

Different image, same form and meaning. This time Wilson managed to rhyme
the first two lines, and all the words fit together perfectly; the lyrics
are almost like music by themselves.

The second chorus:
  It kills my soul
  Hey hey hey

Again, a short but powerful statement, and three hey’s. Maybe you think the
line "it kills my soul" is too dramatic to be sung by such a gentle voice,
but still I feel like he really means it. But there is another point of
view. A friend of mine called the lyrics "too self-pitying". Indeed, the
lyrics are quite self-pitying. But the point is, anybody who has
studied Brian Wilson's life knows that they're for real. He is not "faking"
it - he means every word of it.

And then the final verse, perhaps the most brilliant of all:
  I'm a leaf on a windy day
  Pretty soon I'll be blown away
  How long will the wind blow?
  How long will the wind blow?

Not only heartbreaking and brilliant lyrics (again, notice the words - poetry!),
but listen to the production. During the "how long will the wind blow?" lines,
there is an instrument/sound effect in the background. It sounds exactly like
the wind they’re singing about. And isn’t that the ultimate achievement in
music; making the words and music fit together, thereby creating a whole
greater than the sum of its parts?

Then the last "chorus" comes in, consisting of a wordless chant of "do do do
de do.."’s. If I had to say one bad thing about ‘Til I die (apart from the
fact that it’s too short), it would be this one. I ask myself why there
aren’t words to this part. Maybe Wilson didn’t write any. Maybe he thought
it sounded better without words, I don’t know. Sure, in a way it adds the
"Beach Boys sound" to the song, but in my opinion, the "doo-wop-feeling"
trivializes what he’d accomplished so far - using both lyrics and sound to
paint a desperate and sad musical picture... it diminishes the song’s
"honesty" in a way.

And now the final fade, repeating these words over and over again:

Until I die,
These things I’ll be until I die

I am struck in awe; the chords, the harmonies, every single movement of the
molecules in the air. I’ve never counted the harmony parts, but my guess is
that there are about six of these intertwining harmonies, creating a vocal
weave, a wall of harmony if you like. I could listen to that segment forever.
But, naturally, there is an end. I am grateful to Brian Wilson for realising
that the only way to end a song like this is with a fade-out. There isn’t any
other way. By slowly fading the music out, you get the feeling that it goes
on and on forever, and you’re left with the harmonies in your head, I can
hear them clearly long after it’s silent. Yet it is silent. This
combination of real silence and unreal music creates a feeling of peace. But
there is also a strong urge to play the song again, as if the two minutes and
thirty-seven seconds aren’t enough.

I still can’t explain exactly what it is that makes me think this song is the
most fantastic pop song ever written/recorded. I guess it just can't be
defined. The chords, melody, harmonies, lyrics, production; it all adds up
to this masterpiece. A perfect relationship between lyrics and music. A
perfect description of the writer's feelings and, more importantly, a song
capable of making the listener relate and understand. Not completely, but
can a human being completely understand another human being? I think not.

I am just grateful for having the opportunity of listening to a section of
Brian Wilson's mind. For his mind can, to me, create the most beautiful music
ever heard.

					- Hampus Klarin, summer 1997

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