The Devilīs Dictionary
Here follows a few entries from the Devilīs Dictionary:
Aborgines n. Considerate persons who will not trouble the lexiographer of the future to describe them.
------------- n. Persons of little worth found cumbering the soil of a newly discovered country. They soon cease to cumber, they fertilise.
Cremation n. The process by which the cold meats of humanity is warmed over.
Fool n. A person who pervades the domain of intellectual speculation and diffuses himself through the channels of moral activity. He is omnific, omniform, omnipercipient, omniscient, omnipotent. He it was who invented letters, printing, the railroad, the steamboat, the telegraph, the platitude and the circle of the sciences. He created patriotism and taught the nations war - founded theology, philosophy, law, medicine and Chicago. He established monarchial and republican goverment. He is from everlasting to everlasting - such as creations dawn beheld he fooleth now. In the morning of time he sang upon primitive hills, and in the noonday of existence headed the procession of being. His grandmotherly hand has warmly tucked-in the set sun of civilisation and in the twillight he prepares Manīs evening meal of milk-and-morality and turns down the covers of the universal grave. And after the rest of us shall have retired for the night of eternal oblivion he will sit up to write a history of human civilisation.
Inventor n. A person who makes an ingenious arrangement of wheels, levers and springs, and belives it civilisation.
Palace n. A fine and costly residence, particularly that of a great official. The residence of a high dignitary of the Christian Church is called a palace; that of the Founder of his religion was known as a field, or wayside. There is progress.