October 29th, 1997

Poverty

Oh man, why does money have so great a bearing on whether we're happy or not? I mean, money does not make me happy, but having enough that i don't have to _worry_ does. And right now I don't. I'm so broke I can't even afford to buy food, my car's broken down, I'm moving to a new apartment (with rent due on friday, and I won't have it), and I'm trying to get a job (which I probably won't, because I have no experience). In short, it looks like it's depression time again. If I don't die from starvation first, that is.

But, OK, life isn't too bad. I have friends, I have some kind of life, both online and offline, and I _do_ have a car, someplace to sleep (for another week anyway :) and no major tragedies loom on the horizon. I guess I'm pretty well off. Peoples 13 year old friends die in brain cancer, get shot, and disappear, so I'm not sucking that badly I guess. I just wish I'd been taught to take care of myself, instead of being pampered and helped along all the time. Sure, it's my responsibility to see to that this kind of thing doesn't happen, and I'm real good at taking responsibilites for others, at work etc. But not for myself, in my private life. I just don't recognize the need for it until it's too late. I hope I can learn to do that before it really _is_ too late...

On a related note, I'm about to revise that stuff about love in cyberspace. Or at least cave in slightly :). Cyberspace is just like normal life, only more focused on the mind, which makes things that happen there affect our brains in a strange way, perhaps even stronger than IRL. I'll look into the whole thing some more and formulate a new theory :). See you in here :).