December 15th, 1997

I want to believe

I got sick at work today, have no idea what happened. I was sitting there, making phone calls selling a little, and suddenly noticed that I kept hitting the wrong spots on the screen with my mouse, and that I kept dropping the pen when I wrote something. I still made some sales, on mental autopilot, but I had trouble drawing a line on my sales sheet to mark them down. Walked home, feeling cold one second, and hot the next, and felt like shit when I finally got home. I laid down for a bit, read some, and uploaded some stuff to the page, and then realized that I felt pretty much normal again. In all a very strange and unnerving experience, as I don't know what happened, or if it'll happen again. Plus thursday is party night, company christmas party, that is, and I want to be in good shape for it :).

I've been thinking about my personal beliefs a lot lately, partly because I've been discussing with Ride Forever via Email, and partly because I actually had a good chat with some people at work (Pontus, my immediate supervisor, and Sarka, who works in another sales group). I realized that what we all believe is often the same, only we see it differently. Between the three of us we had one semi-christian, one mysticist and one severe skeptic semi-atheist/semi-buddhist (me). After a while, though, I realized that we were all saying the same thing, only in different words, and when I told the other two this, they sort of saw my point, which was very reassuring. So what are my beliefs? Well, in short (and probably leaving out lots of stuff that I'll think of later) they go something like this:

• We all have a mind, which extends further than our skull, if nothing else by an electromagnetic field, created by chemical reactions in the brain.
• Our minds are linked in some way, perhaps by a huge "common mind". Some people refer to this phenomena as "God" or some other deity, but I don't think that it's conscious, but rather the sum of all our personalities.
• There are other living, intelligent beings out there, but I'd have to see some hard evidence to believe that they've found us and are here watching. Since most UFO research seems to be thoroughly unprofessional, I don't think this will show up anytime soon.
• Reality is subjective. What we percieve is only part of all reality, and we filter out most of it, in order not to go nuts. Time is one such filter, just a way of dealing with things in a particular order, since with our mental resources, we'd find it hard to keep track of things if we could see everything at once.
• Energy and matter are one and the same.

More to follow if I think of some. I might even make a "beliefs page" :).