Dumb Blonde Jokes Page
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since March 11 1997


Database currently holding 163 blonde jokes! If you have a blonde joke or story... don't hesitate to mail it to me!!!

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Last updated 11/03/97

Blonde Q&A

Q: What do you call a blonde with half a brain?
A: Gifted!

Q: How do blonde braincells die?
A: Alone.

Q: How does a blonde part their hair?
A: (Action of scissoring legs apart)

Q: Why do blondes wash their hair in the sink?
A: Because, that's where you're supposed to wash vegetables!

Q: Why is it good to have a blonde passenger?
A: You can park in the handicap zone.

Q: Why is a blonde like a turtle?
A: They both get fucked up when they're on their back.

Q: What's a blonde's favorite nursery rhyme?
A: Humpme Dumpme.

Q: How do you make a blonde's eyes light up?
A: Shine a flashlight in their ear.

Q: Why should blondes not be given coffee breaks?
A: It takes too long to retrain them.

Q1: How can you tell if a blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's white-out on the screen.

Q2: How can you tell if another blonde's been using the computer?
A: There's writing on the white-out.

Q: How can you tell when a blonde is dating?
A: By the buckle print on her forehead.

Q: How can you tell which blonde is the waitress?
A: She is the one with the tampon behind her ear, wondering what she did with her pencil.

Q: How can you tell if a blonde has been in your refrigerator?
A: By the lipstick on your cucumbers.

Q: What do a blonde and your computer have in common?
A: You don't know how much either of them mean to you until they go down on you.

Q: Why do blondes wear shoulder pads?
A: (With a rocking of the head from side to side) I dunno!

Q: How do you kill a blonde?
A: Put spikes in their shoulder pads.

Q: What do you call a blonde with a dollar on the top of their head?
A: All you can eat, under a buck.

Q: Why don't blondes eat pickles?
A: Because they can't get their head in the jar.

Q: Why don't blondes eat bananas?
A: They can't find the zipper.

Q: Why do blondes wear hoop earings?
A: They have to have some place to rest their ankles.

Q: What does a blonde put behind her ears to make her more attractive?
A: Her ankles.

Q: Why do blondes wear green lipstick?
A: Because red means stop.

Q: Why do blondes wear red lipstick?
A: Because red means "Stop, wrong hole."

Q: Why don't blondes use vibrators?
A: They chip their teeth.

Q: Why do blondes wear underwear?
A: They make good ankle warmers.

Q: Why don't blondes in San Francisco wear short black mini skirts?
A: Cause their balls show!

Q: What do blondes do for foreplay?
A: Remove their underwear.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shoes?
A: Toes go in first.

Q: Why do Blondes have TGIF on their shirts?
A: Tits go in front.

Q: What do you say to a Blonde that won't give in?
A: "Have another beer."

Q: What do blondes do with their arseholes in the morning?
A: Pack their lunch and send them to work.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does in the morning?
A1: Introduces themself.
A2: Walks home.

Q: How does a blonde like her eggs in the morning?
A: Fertilised.

Q: What's the first thing a blonde does after sex?
A: Opens the car door.

Q: How do blondes turn the light on after sex?
A: Kick open the car door.

Q: Why do blondes drive cars with sunroofs?
A: More leg room.

Q: What does a blonde say when you ask her if her blinker is on?
A: It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off. It's on. It's off.

Q: Why did the blonde drive into the ditch?
A: To turn the blinker off.

Q: What do you call a dumb blonde behind a steering wheel?
A: An Air Bag.

Q: Why are there lip stick stains on the steering wheel after a blonde drives a car?
A: Cause she blows the horn!!!!!

Q: What is the worst thing about sex with a blond?
A: Bucket seats.

Q: What do Blondes say after sex?
A1: Thanks Guys.
A2: Are you boys all in the same band/team?
A3: Do you guys all play for the Swans?

Q: Why is a blonde like a door knob?
A: 'Cause everybody gets a turn.

Q: Why is a blonde like railroad tracks?
A: 'Cause she's been laid all over the country.

Q: What important question does a blonde ask his/her mate before having sex?
A: Do you want this by the hour, or the flat rate?

Q: Why do blonde girls have trouble achieving orgasm?
A: *Who cares?*

Q: Why do blonds have orgasms ?
A: So they know when to stop having sex !
Q: What happens after a blonde has had an orgasm??
A1: She drops her nail-file!!!
A2: Who cares?
A3: She say 'Next'
A4: The next person in the queue taps you on the shoulder
A5: He's had his clothes for about 2 minutes
A6: The batteries have run out.

Q: What does a blonde say when you blow in their ear?
A: "Thanks for the refill!"
Q: How many blondes does it take to change a lightbulb?
A1: "What's a lightbulb?"
A2: One. She holds the bulb and the world revolves around her.
A3: Two. One to hold the Diet Pepsi, and one to call, "Daaady!"

Q: What does a peroxide blonde and a 747 have in common?
A1: They both have a black box.
A2: Both have a cockpit.

Q: What is the difference between a blond and a 747?
A: Not everyone has been in a 747

Q: What does a dumb blonde say when she gives birth?
A: Gee, Are you sure it's mine?

Q: What did the blonde say when she found out she was pregnant?
A: "Are you sure it's mine?"

Q: How do you get a blonde pregnant?
A: Come in her shoes and let the flies do the rest.

Q: How do you get a blonde to marry you?
A: Tell her she's pregnant.

Q: What will she ask you?
A: "Is it mine?"

Q: Why did the blonde scale the glass wall?
A: To see what was on the other side.

Q: Why do Blondes take the pill?
A: So they know what day of the week it is.

Q: Why did the blonde stop using the pill?
A: Because it kept falling out.

Q: Why did the blonde have a sore navel?
A: Because her boyfriend was also blond!

Q: Whats the difference between a blonde and a Porsche?
A: You don't lend the Porsche out to your friend.

Q: What is the difference between butter and a blonde?
A: Butter is difficult to spread.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
A: You can only get three fingers in a bowling ball.
A2: There is no difference. They're both round and have three holes to poke.

Q: What is the difference between a blonde and "The Titanic"?
A: They know how many men went down on "The Titanic".

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a telephone?
A: It costs 30 cents to use a telephone.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde girl and a blond guy?
A: The blonde has the higher sperm count.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a limousine?
A: Not everybody has been in a limo.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde track team and a tribe of sly pygmies?
A: One's a bunch a cunning runts ...

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a toothbrush?
A: You don't let your best friend borrow your toothbrush.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and your job?
A: Your job still sucks after 6 months.

Q: What is the difference between a blond and a toilet?
A: A toilet won't follow you around after you use it.

Q: What's the difference between a blonde and a rooster?
A: In the morning a rooster says, "Cock'll-doodl-doooo", while a blonde says, "Any-cock'll-doooo."

Q: Why is a washing machine better than a blonde?
A: Because you can drop your load in a washing machine, and it won't follow you around for a week.

Q: What do blondes and cow-pats have in common?
A: They both get easier to pick-up with age.

Q: What does a screen door and a blonde have in common?
A: The more you bang it the looser it gets.

Q: What does a blond and a beer bottle have in common?
A: They're both empty from the neck up.

Q: What do blonds and spagetti have in common?
A: They both wriggle when you eat them.

Q: What do peroxide blonds and black men have in common?
A: They both have black roots.

Q: Why did the deaf blond sit on a newspaper?
A: So she could lip read.

Q: How do you drown a blond?
A: Put a mirror at the bottom of the pool.

Q: How do you drown a blonde?
A: Don't tell her to swallow.

Q: Why do blonds have square boobs?
A: Because they forgot to take the tissues out of the box.

Q: How many blondes does it take to make chocolate-chip cookies?
A1: 10. One to mix the dough and nine to peel the smarties.
A2: Three...one to mix the batter and two to squeeze the rabbit.

Q: Do you know why the blonde got fired from the M&M factory?
A: For throwing out the W's.

Q: What did the blonde's mum say to her before the blonde's date.
A: If you're not in bed by 12, come home.

Q: Why does a blonde only change her baby's diapers every month?
A: Because it says right on it "good for up to 20 pounds."

Q: Did you hear about the blonde lesbian?
A: She kept having affairs with men!

Q: How did the blonde try to kill the bird?
A: She threw it off a cliff.

Q: How does a blonde kill a fish?
A: She drowns it.

Q: Why did the blonde get so excited after she finished her jigsaw puzzle in only 6 months?
A: Because on the box it said From 2-4 years.

Q: What do you say to a blonde with no arms and no legs?
A: "Nice tits!"

Q: How do you amuse a blonde for hours?
A: Write 'Please turn over' on both sides of a piece of paper!

Q: Why aren't there many blonde gymnasts?
A: Because when they do the splits, they stick to the floor.

Q: Why do blondes have legs?
A1: So they don't get stuck to the ground.
A2: To get between the bedroom and the kitchen.
A3: So they don't leave trails, like little snails.

Q: Why did the blonde go half way to Norway and then turn around and come home?
A: It took her that long to discover that a 14 inch Viking was a television.

Q: What is the irritating part around a blonde's vagina?
A: The Blonde!

Q: How do you describe a blonde, surrounded by drooling idiots?
A: Flattered.

Q: Why do blondes always die before help arrives?
A: They always forget the 11 in 9-1-1.

Q: What did the blonde say when asked if she'd ever been picked up by 'the fuzz'?
A: 'No. But I've been swung around by the tits.'

Q: What do you call a blonde between two brunettes?
A: A mental block.

Q: What do you call 10 blondes standing ear to ear?
A: A wind tunnel.

Q: What do you call 15 blondes in a circle?
A: A dope ring.

Q: What do you call a blond with a bag of sugar on her head ?
A: Sweet Fuck All...

Q: What do you call 20 blondes in a freezer?
A: Frosted Flakes.

Q: What do you call a blonde skeleton in the closet?
A: Last year's hide-and-seek champ.

Q: What do you call a fly buzzing inside a blonde's head?
A: A Space Invader.

Q: What do you call a blonde in a tree with a brief case?
A: Branch Manager.

Q: How did the dumb blonde break her leg raking leaves?
A: She fell out of the tree.

Q: What do you call a smart blond?
A: A labrador.

Q: How does a blonde interpret 6.9?
A: A 69 interrupted by a period.

Q: Why do blonds have two more brain cells than a cow?
A1: So they don't shit everywhere when you pull their tits.
A2: So that when you pull their tits, they don't moo.

Q: Why aren't BLONDES good cattle herders?
A: Because the can't even keep two calves together!

Q: Why don't blonds breast feed?
A: Because they always burn their nipples.

Q: Why do blondes put their hair in ponytails?
A: To cover up the valve stem.

Q: What did the blonde name her pet zebra?
A: Spot.

Q: What do you see when you look into a blonde's eyes?
A: The back of her head.

Q: Why do blondes drive VW's?
A: Because they can't spell PORSCHE!!

Q: How do you make a blond laugh on Monday mornings?
A: Tell them a joke on Friday night!

Q: Why did God create blondes?
A: Because sheep can't bring beer from the fridge.

Q: Why do blondes have see-through lunch box lids?
A1: So they know if it is morning or afternoon.
A2: So that when they're on the train they can tell if they're going to work or coming home.

Q: Whats black and fuzzy and hangs from the ceiling?
A: A blond electrician.

Q: Why are dumb blonde jokes so short?
A1: So brunettes can remember them.
A2: Because blonds are so SHALLOW a long joke wouldn't fit.

Q: Why wasn't the Virgin Mary a blonde?
A: She wouldn't have been old enough to bear children!

Q: Why are blondes hurt by peoples words?
A: Because people keep hitting them with dictionaries.

Q: Why did the blonde fail at being a prostitute?
A: Because she gave blow-jobs literally.

Q: Why did the blonde smile when she walked the marriage aisle?
A: She realized she gave her last blowjob.

Q: Why did they call the blond twinkle?
A: She liked to be filled with cream.

Q: What did the blonde do when she got her period?
A: Looked around for the bastard that must have shot her?

Q: Why do blondes have periods?
A: They deserve them.

Q: What did the blonde say to the physicist?
A: "Why, I just _love_ nuclear fission! What do you use for bait?"

Q: Why are blondes like cornflakes?
A: Because they're simple, easy and they taste good.

Q: How do you know when a blonde has been making chocolate chip cookies?
A: You find M&M shells all over the kitchen floor.

Q: How do you drive a blonde crazy?
A: Give her a bag of M&Ms and tell her to alphabetise them.

Q: How does a blonde hold her liquor?
A: By the ears.

Q: What do you get when you offer a blonde a penny for her thoughts?
A: Change.

Q: How does a blonde moonwalk?
A: She pulls down her panties and slides her ass along the floor!

Q: Why do blonde's find it difficult to marry?
A: Because you don't have to marry them for sex!

Q: What do you get when you cross a blonde and a gorilla?
A: Who knows, there is only so much a gorilla can be forced to do...

Q: Why do brunettes find blonde jokes so funny?
A: Because they have nothing better to do on Saturday nights.


Dumb Blonde Jokes

Did you here about the blonde that stayed up all night to see where the sun went? It finally dawned on here.

A blonde was driving down the highway to Disneyland when she saw a sign that said "DISNEYLAND LEFT". After thinking for a minute, she said to herself "oh well !" and turned around an drove home.

On her way home the same blonde drove past another sign that said "CLEAN RESTROOMS 8 MILES". By the time she drove eight miles, she had cleaned 43 restrooms.

How about the suicide blonde,she dyed by her own hand.

A brunette and a blonde are walking along in a park. The brunette says suddenly, "Awww, look at the dead birdie". The blonde stops, looks up, and says, "Where?"

A blonde was walking along, when she looked up to observe a bird flying overhead. Suddenly, the bird drops a load when it was directly over her. The blonde says, "Good thing I had my mouth open, or that would've hit me right in the face!!!"
Or: "Good thing that cows don't fly."

A policeman pulled a blonde over after he/she'd been driving the wrong way on a one-way street.
Cop: Do you know where you were going?
Blonde: No, but wherever it is, it must be bad 'cause all the people were leaving.

A cop stops a blonde woman who was driving down a motorway.
"Miss, may I see your driver's licence please?"
"Driver's licence? What's that?..."
"It's a little card with your picture on it."
"Oh, duh! Here it is..."
"May I have your car insurance?"
"What's that?..."
"It's a document that says you are allowed to drive the car."
"Oh this? Duh! Here you go..."
The cop then takes his dick out of his pants, while the blonde exclaims:
"Oh no, not another breathalyzer test!"

Hubby: As a start I think you should learn to "iron", then we could do without the ironing lady.
Blonde Wife: Well if you would learn to Fuck me properly we could do without the gardener.

A blonde and a brunette were discussing their boyfriends:
Brunette: Last night I had *three* orgasms in a row!
Blonde: That's nothing; last night I had over a hundred.
Brunette: My god! I had no idea he was that good.
Blonde: ( looking shocked ) Oh, you mean with one guy.

Three blondes are attempting to change a light bulb. One of them decides to call 911:
Blonde: We need help. We're three blondes changing a light bulb.
Operator: Hmmmmm. You put in a fresh bulb?
Blonde: Yes.
Operator: The power in the house in on?
Blonde: Of course.
Operator: And the switch is on?
Blonde: Yes, yes.
Operator: And the bulb still won't light up?
Blonde: No, it's working fine.
Operator: Then what's the problem?
Blonde: We got dizzy spinning the ladder around and we all fell and hurt ourselves.

What about the blond guy whose wife gave birth to twins?
He wanted to know who the other man was...

There were three people stranded on an island, a brunette, a redhead, and a blonde. The brunette looked over the water to the mainland and estimated about 20 miles to shore. So she announced, "I'm going to try to swim to shore." So she swam out five miles, and got really tired. She swam out ten miles from the island, and she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
The second one, the redhead, said to herself, "I wonder if she made it. I guess it's better to try to get to the mainland than stay here and starve." So she attempts to swim out. The redhead had a lot more endurance than the brunette, as she swam out 10 miles before she even got tired. After 15 miles, she was too tired to go on, so she drowned.
So the blonde thought to herself, "I wonder if they made it! I think I'd better try to make it, too." So she swam out 5 miles, ten miles, 15 miles, NINETEEN miles from the island. The shore was just in sight, but she said, "I'm too tired to go on!" So she swam back.

This blonde and her boyfriend were sitting in a hot tub when the blonde said to her boyfriend, "Is it true that if you pull you finger out, I'll sink?"

Two blondes were walking through the woods when one looked down and says:
"Those aren't deer tracks, those are wolf tracks."
"No. Those are deer tracks."
They keep arguing, and arguing, and one half hour later they were both killed by a train.

The blonde came running downstairs, crying. Her mother asked what was wrong and the blonde said her boyfriend had just dropped her. Her mother (a blonde) nodded wisely and proceeded to tell her about the birds and the bees and the blonde said:
"No ma. I can fuck and suck with the best of them. But he says I can't cook!"

A dumb Blonde died and went to Heaven. When she got to the Pearly Gates, she met Saint Peter who said, "Before you get to come into Heaven, you have to pass a test."
"Oh No!" she said but Saint Peter said not to worry he'd make it easy.
"Who was God's son?" said Saint Peter.
The dumb Blonde thought for a few minutes and said "Andy!"
"That's interesting... What made you say that?" said Saint Peter.
Then She started to sing "Andy walks with me! Andy talks with me! Andy tells me..."

Two blondes observed in a parking lot trying to unlock the door of their Mercedes with a coat hanger.
Blonde#1: "I can't seem to get this door unlocked!"
Blonde#2: "Well, you'd better hurry up and try harder, it's starting to rain and the top is down!"

Did you hear about the blonde that went to library and checked out a book called "How to Hug"? Got back to the dorm and found out it was volume seven of the encyclopaedia...

A blonde's response to the comment, "THINK about it!":
"I don't have to think -- I'm blonde!"

A blonde, a brunette and a redhead went into a bar and asked the bartender:
Brunette: "I'll have a B and C."
Bartender:"What is a B and C?".
Brunette: "Bourbon and Coke."
Redhead: "And, I'll have a G and T."
Bartender: "What's a G and T?"
Redhead: "Gin and tonic."
Blonde: "I'll have a 15."
Bartender: "What's a 15?"
Blonde: "7 and 7"

A blonde goes into a world wide message center to send a message to her mother in Poland. The man tells her it will be 300. She exclaims, "I don't have any money, but I would do ANYTHING to get a message to my mother in Poland!!!"
To that the man asks, "Anything??"
And the blonde says, "Yes, anything!!"
With that, the man says, "Follow me."
He walks into the next room and tells her, "Come in and close the door."
She does.
He then says, "Get on your knees."
She does.
He then says, "Take down my zipper."
She does.
He then says, "Go ahead, take it out." With that she takes it out and takes hold of it with both hands.
The man then says, "Well, go ahead!"
She brings her mouth closer to it, and while holding it close to her lips, she says,
"Hello...Mom?"


There are three blondes stranded on an island. Suddenly a fairy appears and offers to grant each one of them one wish.
The first blonde asks to be intelligent. Instantly, she is turned into a brown haired woman and she swims off the island.
The next one asks to be even more intelligent than the previous one, so instantly she is turned into a black haired woman. The black haired woman builds a boat and sails off the island.
The third blonde asks to become even more intelligent than the previous two. The fairy turns her into a man, and he walks across the bridge.

A young blonde came to the ER with lower abdominal pain. During the exam and questioning the denied denied being sexually active. The doctor gave her a pregnancy test anyway and it came back positive. The doctor went back to the young blonde's room.
Doctor: "The results of your pregnancy test came back positive. Are you sure you're not sexually active?"
Blonde: "Sexually active? No, sir, I just lay there."
Doctor: "I see. Well, do you know who the father is?"
Blonde: "No. Who?"