What's the definition of an accountant?
Someone who solves a problem you didn't know you had in a way you don't understand.

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When does a person decide to become an accountant?
When he realizes he doesn't have the charisma to succeed as an undertaker.

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What's an extroverted accountant?
One who looks at your shoes while he's talking to you instead of his own.

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Why did the auditor cross the road?
Because he looked in the file and that's what they did last year.

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There are three kinds of accountants in the world. Those who can count and those who can't.

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What's an accountant's idea of trashing his hotel room?
Refusing to fill out the guest comment card.

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How do you drive an accountant completely insane?
Tie him to a chair,stand in front of him and fold up a road map the wrong way.

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What's the most wicked thing a group of young accountants can do?
Go into town and gang-audit someone.

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What do accountants suffer from that ordinary people don't?
Depreciation.

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An accountant is someone who knows the cost of everything and the value of nothing.

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An accountant is having a hard time sleeping and goes to see his doctor.
"Doctor, I just can't get to sleep at night."
"Have you tried counting sheep?"
"That's the problem - I make a mistake and then spend three hours trying to find it."

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What's the definition of a good tax accountant?
Someone who has a loophole named after him.