1. Make race car noises when people
get on and off.
2. Blow your nose and offer to show
the contents of your kleenex to other passengers.
3. Grimace painfully while slapping
your forehead and muttering, "Shut up damnit, all of you jsu SHUT UP!"
4. Whistle the first 7 notes of
"It's a Small World" incessantly.
5. Sell Girl Scout Cookies.
6. On a long ride, sway side to side
at the natural frequency of the elevator.
7. Shave.
8. Crack open your briefcase or
purse, and while peering inside ask, "Got enough air in there?
9. Offer name tags to everyone
getting on the elevator. Wear your upside-down.
10. Stand silent and motionless in
the corner, facing the wall, without getting off.
11. When arriving at your floor,
grunt and strain to pull the doors open, then act embarrassed when they open by
themselves.
12. Lean over to another passenger
and whisper, "Ever had a Wet Willy?"
13. Greet everyone getting on the
elevator with a warm handshake and ask them to call you "Admiral."
14. One word: Flatulence!
15. On the highest floor, hold the
door open and demand that it stay open until you hear the penny you dropped down the shaft
go "plink" at the bottom.
16. Do Tai Chi exercises.
17. Stare, grinning, at another
passenger for a while, and then announce: "I've got new socks on."
18. When at least 8 people have
boarded, moan from the back, "Oh, not now, damn motion sickness!"
19. Give religious tracts to each
passenger.
20. Meow occasionally.
21. Bet the other passengers you can
fit a quarter in your nose.
22. Frown and mutter, "Gotta
go, gotta go," then sigh and say, "oops!"
23. Show other passengers a wound
and ask if it looks infected.
24. Sing "Mary Had a Little
Lamb" while continuously pushing buttons.
25. Holler, "Chutes
away!!" whenever the elevator descends.
26. Walk on with a cooler that says
"Human Head" on the side.
27. Stare at another passenger for a
while, then announce, "You're one of THEM!" and move to the far corner of the
elevator.
28. Burp, then say,
"Mmmmm.....tasty!"
29. Leave a box between the doors.
30. Ask each passenger getting on if
you can push the button for them.
31. Wear a hand puppet and talk to
the other passengers "through" it.
32. Start a sing-along.
33. When the elevator is silent,
look around and ask, "Is that your beeper?"
34. Play the accordion.
35. Shadow box.
36. Say, "Ding!" at each
floor.
37. Lean against the button panel.
38. Say, "I wonder what all
these do?" and then push ALL the red buttons.
39. Listen to the elevator walls
with a stethoscope.
40. Draw a little square on the
floor with chalk and announce to the other passengers that this is your "personal
space."
41. Bring a chair along.
42. Take a bite of a sandwich and
ask another passenger, "Wanna see wha in muh mouf??"
43. Blow spit bubbles.
44. Pull your gum out of your mouth
in long strings.
45. Announce in a demonic voice,
"I must find a more suitable host body."
46. Carry a blanket a clutch it
protectively.
47. Make explosion noises when
anyone presses a button.
48. Wear "X-Ray Specs" and
leer suggestively at other passengers.
49. Stare at your thumb and say,
"I think it's getting bigger."
50. If anyone brushes against you,
recoil fiercely and scream, "BAD TOUCH!"