A lawyer got married to a woman who had previously been married twelve times. On their wedding night they settle into the bridal suite at their hotel and the bride says to her new groom, "please promise to be gentle; I'm still a virgin."
This puzzled the groom, since after twelve marriages he thought that at least one of her husbands would have been able to perform. He asked his new bride to explain the phenomena.

The bride responds...

My first husband was a Sales Representative who spent our entire marriage telling me, in grandiose terms, "It's gonna be great!"
My second husband was from Software Services; he was never quite sure how it was supposed to function, but he said he would send me the documentation.
My third husband was from Field Service who constantly said that everything was diagnostically "ok," but he just couldn't get the system up.
My fourth husband was from Educational Services, and he simply said, "those who can...do; those who can't...teach."
My fifth husband was from the Telemarketing Department who said that he had the orders, but wasn't quite sure when he was going to be able to deliver.
My sixth husband was an Engineer. He told me that he understood the basic process, but needed three years to research, implement and design a new state-of-the-art method.
My seventh husband was from Finance and Administration. His comments were that he knew how, but he just wasn't sure whether or not it was his job.
My eighth husband was from Standards and Regulations and told me that he was up to the standards, but that regulations said nothing about how to do it.
My ninth husband was a Marketing Manager. He said, "I know I have the product, I'm just not sure how to position it."
My tenth husband was a psychiatrist and all he wanted to do was talk about it.
My eleventh husband was a gynecologist and all he ever wanted to do was look at it.
My twelfth husband was a stamp collector and all he ever wanted to do was .......God I miss him!
SO, now that I have married a lawyer, I know I'm finally going to get really screwed!