Redneck Driving Etiquette

When approaching a four-way stop, the vehicle with the largest tires always has the right of way.

Never tow another car using pantyhose and duct tape.

When sending your wife down the road with a gas can, it is impolite to ask her to bring back beer.

Never relieve yourself from a moving vehicle, especially when driving.

Do not remove the seats from the car so that all your kids can fit in.

Redneck Personal Hygiene

Unlike clothes and shoes, a toothbrush should never be a hand-me-down item.

While ears need to be cleaned regularly, this is a job that should be done in private using one's OWN truck keys.

Redneck Dining Out

Remember to leave a generous tip for good service. After all, their mobile home costs just as much as yours.

Redneck Entertaining in Your Home

Do not allow the dog to eat at the table . . . no matter how good his manners are.

If your dog falls in love with a guest's leg, have the decency to leave them alone for a few minutes.

Redneck Dating (Outside the Family) -

Always offer to bait your date's hook, especially on the first date.

Be aggressive. Let her know you are interested: "I've been wanting to go out with you since I read that stuff on the men's bathroom wall two years a go."

If a girl's name does not appear regularly on a bathroom wall, water tower, or an overpass, odds are good that the date will end in frustration.

Redneck Theater Etiquette

What's the theater?

Crying babies should be taken to the lobby and picked up immediately after the movie has ended.

Refrain from talking to characters on the screen. Tests have proven they can't hear you.

Redneck Wedding Etiquette

Livestock is usually a poor choice for a wedding gift.

It is not okay for the groom to bring a date to a wedding.

When dancing, never remove undergarments, no matter how hot it is.

Redneck Etiquette for All Occasions

Never take a beer to a job interview.

It's considered tacky to take a cooler to church.

Always identify people in your yard before shooting at them.

Even if you're certain that you are included in the will, it's considered tacky to drive a U-Haul van to the funeral home.